Is ungratefulness a Gen Z culture?

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The young lady’s mother and I grew up in the same neighbourhood and we are agemates.

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Most of us who grew up in that neighbourhood were friends, even though our paths began to diverge after primary school.

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By the time most of us were headed to junior secondary school, her mother had dropped out of school completely and, although a lovely girl, had begun to attract the attention of young men from neighbouring communities and beyond.

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She was tall, slim and light-skinned.

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While we were still in junior secondary school, we heard that she had become pregnant.

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She later had a baby girl.

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Before we left secondary school, she died from health complications, leaving behind her toddler for her father and younger sisters to raise. Their mother had died years earlier.

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Even while struggling to find my feet (after my university education), I did not forget the little girl she left behind.

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Whenever I visited home and was unable to see her, I sent messages (money, clothes, etc.) across to her.

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When I learned she had finished her secondary education and had access to a mobile phone, I established direct contact with her and began to assist her directly.

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One of the conversations we had was, “What’s next?” after her secondary education, and she claimed that she wanted to proceed to the university but had no one to train her, which is actually not true.

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One of her uncles is not doing badly, and I learned that he was the one who sponsored her secondary education.

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However, one thing that she strongly indicated an interest in was learning fashion design/dressmaking.

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I asked her to find out a few good outfits where she could acquire such skills, so that whichever was within my budget, we would go with that option.

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Even as this discussion was going on, I kept hammering on the importance of education to her and made it clear that there was no way her uncle and I would not be able to see her through the university.

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I didn’t stop sending pocket money to her every now and then.

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I also learned she was doing “ushering jobs” at events, with a group of other young girls.

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She would disappear from my WhatsApp radar for months and only make contact when I credited her account with pocket money.

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Other times, I would be the one reaching out to her.

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Some months later (Easter of 2022), one of the uncles asked me if she had informed me that she was getting married.

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I was shocked, and I said, “No.”

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He told me that her marriage ceremony was slated for that Easter weekend and said that he would ask her to bring the invite to me.

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She never did. And I did not attend.

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The next time she reappeared on my WhatsApp radar was when she was splashing her marriage ceremony pictures all over the place.

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I learned her husband was a South African returnee.

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I didn’t hear from her again until June 2024.

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She started by introducing herself (when it was clear that I didn’t know who was chatting me up) and telling me that she had really been through “a lot”.

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I tongue-lashed her and warned her not to contact me again.

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For someone that I had supported over the years, I felt treated like an enemy through her actions.

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She apologised a few more times on WhatsApp and has since left me alone, after I assured her that I had forgiven her. Except that I no longer have the strength to carry burdens that are not mine.

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It’s funny how people know who to turn to when they start going through “a lot”. And I feel it’s another dimension of unfairness that we all need to expunge from our souls.

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If you didn’t bring anyone close in your “sunny moments”, leave them alone when you are going through your “a lot”.

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I also wish to make young people understand that the marriage they go into with a bag of attitude and “damning everyone” around them seldom lasts.

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Recently, someone contacted me on WhatsApp. It turned out to be a young lady that I matchmade (via her older cousin) with an acquaintance in the U.S., who relocated her to his base. In the over six years they were married, she had never reached out to me. But when the marriage packed up and she found herself back in Nigeria, she found a means to contact me.

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Another was a young lady for whom I was instrumental in securing the job she has now, due to my relationship with her mother. Although the mother thanked me, the young lady never bothered, until I met her at a function and scolded her for that behaviour. She apologised and blocked me on WhatsApp afterwards.

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